This week your intrepid heroes visit Space Portugal, jump around, and defy physics. Slinki faces the CHAIRQUISITION!
Game: Slinki
Webzone: http://store.steampowered.com/app/354930/
Devel: Titan Forged Games
Engine: Unity
Price: $/€ 4.99
Wazzat: Hack your way through this maddened forest with one angry bunny’s razor sharp Independently Targeting Bionic Shard of Concentrated Mayhem that serves as the titular character’s right arm. Now fully detachable and slingshot capable, for when you just need to fling yourself across the screen.
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CHAIRQUISITION:
Makes with the working
V-
- You lose a chair for every day your game was available for sale in a non-playable state.
J-
P-
- Unity pop-up, minus 1 chair!
- If you’re not going to commit and take your game seriously, I can’t commit to giving you a proper score.
Total-
Shiny / Sounds
V-
- One soundtrack with no option to disable it. Right.
- Dear FSM what noise does that thing make when hit?
- I haven’t heard anything that disturbing since we picked up the sex swing for the office.
- So, much, screen tearing.
- I can hear my 980 begging to have a go but nope.
- It’s locked at 60 FERPS.
J-
P-
- It was loud! And the music isn’t even that great!
Total-
Control
V-
- Unity popup screen of NOPE? Minus two chairs.
- While the controls are mapped to the Xclone controlla they are mapped in such a way that makes it unplayable.
- And anyone who claims they can sort that moon-glyph Unity config is a damn liar.
- Using the keyboard + gerbil “worked” but the input sluggishness would make Superman 64 blush.
- Just for shites and giggles you’re unable to set the sensitivity.
- Then we have the physics. In what universe does a character accelerate at the end of their jump?
- I could live with that but the FKN thing looses gerbil focus if you Shift+Tab in windowed mode making it wholly unplayable.
- Try to quit the game using your gerbil. I FKN dare you.
J-
- The controls, while ass-stupid, are manageable.
- Real tempted to give it one chair though.
P-
- It’s a platformer and the controls are floaty as all fuck
- Like Venn said, physics don’t work that way.
- Here’s the kicker, 50 minutes into the game and the spacebar stopped being recognized.
- I thought it may have been my keyboard but it was still working outside of the game.
- So I tried reassigning it to another key. Wouldn’t recognize it either.
- I tried removing the config files and reinstalling the game. No dice.
- So I lost the ability to make to my character jump on a platformer.
- *golf clap* That takes a special kind of busted to pull off!
Total-
FUN
V-
- I get you are trying to make Sonic on a budget with a grappling mechanic.
- Thing is, Sonic (even on the Genesis) conveyed a sense of speed.
- This? The little guy is hunched down like he is ready to skull FK the sound barrier but moves at the speed of smell.
- What’s the story? Who am I? WHAT am I? Why do I care about the running and the jumping.
- Oh right, I don’t.
- And where the hell do you get “Slinki is a hard-as-nails 2.5D action-platformer” from?
- What are nails made if in space Porto? Mayonnaise?
J-
- This is very clearly a first attempt at a game
- The platforming is stale, the gimmick is done and I’m really not having any fun.
- You wasted an hour of my life and I want it back
P-
- My first Portuguese Unity game.
- If I wasn’t so jaded about bad Unity games I might even have considered some leniency, on accounts of them being Portuguese and everything.
- Unfortunately, I’m far too jaded on that department.
Total-
Final –
- You could have sold a few copies on Linux but you half arsed it, Brad. You did, yes you did!
- This is the first trickle of “Unity Personal Edition” games that will soon flood Steam.
