This week your intrepid heroes compile shaders, absorb robots, and discuss game design? Mighty No. 9 faces the CHAIRQUISITION!

Game: Mighty No. 9 Nope (?) Why not.
Webzone: http://store.steampowered.com/app/314710/Mighty_No_9/
Devel: Comcept, Inti Creates
Engine: Unreal Engine 3
Price: £15.99 / US$19.99 / CDN$21.99

Wazzat: Mighty No. 9 is a 2D Side-scrolling Action game that takes the best elements from 8 and 16-bit classics that you know and love and transforms them with modern tech, fresh mechanics, and fan input into something fresh and amazing!

Mandatory Disclosure: N/A


CHAIRQUISITION:
CHAIR– Nooope

CHAIRCHAIR– Not sure if want

CHAIRCHAIRCHAIR– Check it out

CHAIRCHAIRCHAIRCHAIR– Shutupandtakemymonies


Makes with the working

V-CHAIRCHAIRCHAIRCHAIR

  • Could have told you it was UE3.X by the initial load time alone.
  • Holds a solid 60 @ 1080 for the most part with everything on 11 minus a few drops into the 30’s in certain areas.

J-CHAIRCHAIRCHAIRCHAIR

  • NVME doesn’t help with UE3 shader compile times. No sir

P-CHAIRCHAIRCHAIRCHAIR

  • It took almost a full minute doing the initial shader compile.
  • Steam needs to get around and start shipping those pre-compiled shaders already.

Total-CHAIRCHAIRCHAIRCHAIR


Shiny / Sounds

V-CHAIRCHAIR

  • I’m surprised somebody didn’t get sued because several of the baddies seem to cross the “inspired by” line.
  • That aside, the graphics look passable for an indie title.
  • However, they look like absolute dogshite for a 4 mil indie title.
  • Lifeless.
  • I kinda feel like the voice actors did the best they could with what they had.
  • None of this matters since you will nope the volume after the 3rd or 4th time No. 9 says the exact, same, thing after doing a thing.
  • I wish I could be more detailed but were dealing with repressed memories at this point.

J-CHAIRCHAIR

  • It took me a few listens to figure out that the characters aren’t all voiced by the same actor
  • Seriously, playing this game reminds me of that seinfeld episode where they keep talking about pretzels
  • The graphics are okay. Nothing particularly stunning to write home about.
  • At the end of the day, it’s 2.5d megaman

P-CHAIRCHAIR

  • Given our precarious position in time, since we’re on the edge of the robot revolution, I probably shouldn’t say this but fuck it.
  • I want to punch Call in its stupid robot mouth! Who the hell thought it was a good idea to make the single most annoying and personality-less lolibot character shout every single one of her moves in a mandatory stealth section of the game?
  • Everything about that section is bad, but the fucking repetitive shouting “Jump” “Jump” “barrier” “barrier” in that monotone voice made me genuinely angry.
  • I found myself screaming “Shut up! Shut the fuck up” right back, then I realized the futility of my actions and muted the “voices” audio.
  • Pro-tip: You will find yourself having a much better time when you’re not listening to shit voice-acting coming from a game which got 4 million dollars off of Kickstarter.
  • The graphics look good, for a late PS2 to early PS3 era game.

Total-CHAIRCHAIR


Control

V-CHAIRCHAIRCHAIRCHAIR

  • Controls are tight.
  • It’s nice to play something that when you cock up it’s your fault.
  • If I had to pick at something it would be the amount of friction Mr. not Mega Man has with the floor.

J-CHAIRCHAIRCHAIR

  • Ditto on the friction issue
  • By the way, don’t try and play this game with a DS4 controller paired with BPM. It’s pretty spray and pray
  • You can at least rebind everything

P-CHAIRCHAIRCHAIRCHAIR

  • There are many issues with this game but controls are not one of them.
  • Not once did I feel like I hit a key and it didn’t respond adequately.
  • Though, there are some stupid design decisions which directly conflict with the controls or at least with how you think controls should work. But that… that’s something for the Fun!

Total-CHAIRCHAIR