This week you intrepid heroes build a snowman, manage resources, and attempt to enjoy some real time 4X.


– Nooope

– Not sure if want

– Check it out

– Shutupandtakemymonies

Game: Northguard
Webzone: Northgard
Devel: Shiro Games
Price: £23.79 / US$29.99 / CA$33.99

Wazzat: Northgard is a strategy game based on Norse mythology in which you control a clan of Vikings vying for the control of a mysterious newfound continent.

Mandatory Disclosure: Pennywise bought us copies


Does It Launch

  • It works great.
  • Kidding, no option to adjust resolution or run in a window.

Performance @ 1080

  • N/A
  • I’m guessing it runs around 60 @2160 but that’s a guess since Steam overlay no worky.


  • Looks like a nice mobile game.


  • WASD, logical.


Does It Launch

  • yerp

Performance @ 1080

  • I mean, no real issues. Can’t see the ferps cuz of no overlay


  • Holy UI scaling batman!
  • There isn’t really a resolution option. You got fullscreen, which only work if you tick the exclusive box
    • No poly resolutions for you
  • By default on a UHD screen, the UI isn’t scaled and everything is all itty bitty. You have to set that manually.


  • Left click to select, right click to do
  • Right click also selects all units of a type from the UI


Does It Launch

  • That it does

Performance @ 1080

  • It comes with something called automatic VSync.
  • Couldn’t tell you what it does differently to regular Sync to VBlank


  • No resolution options.
  • UI scaling isn’t particularly impressive, as text becomes a bit blurry at 2x.


  • Rebindable controls and several other options to allow you to scroll the map around.

QA Score:


Fun section:


  • Venn:
    • This is delightfully generic as all hell.
    • It went like this.
    • Build shit, build more shit, explore, try to keep people happy, colonize, build more shit and you’re two hours in wondering just WTF you should be doing.
    • Two hours in I better have the slightest fucking idea what’s going on, I didn’t.
    • It has multiplayer but at 6:30 pm on a Saturday a whopping 10 people were playing… in the world.
    • I guess it’s kinda like Civ, if Civ was made with crayons, some glue sticks, and a few extra chromosomes.
    • If you like games like 0 A.D. keep playing 0 A.D., it’s a better game.
    • Sorry not sorry but Northguard left me with nothing more than a frosty hate-boner.
    • And apparently the MSRP for hate boners is 29.99.
  • Jordan
    • They took a 4X game and added some real time elements to it, so you can wait!
    • The waiting reduces as you progress, just cuz you have a lot more stuff to do or manage
    • Get buildings to get units to gather resources to do more building to get more units
    • Also gotta keep your doods happy or they won’t fuck
    • However, this is the sort of lonely fun that doesn’t really appeal to me. At least there’s multiplayer
    • It’s not like I have any sort of irrational hatred for this game, I personally just don’t find it entertaining
    • I can’t really find anything wrong with it beyond it being fairly generic viking game number 87542 and that this particular sort of grindy loop doesn’t appeal to me
  • Pedro
    • Jordan’s description is perhaps the most fitting.
    • It’s a real time 4X with exponentially increasing timers and costs for exploring.
    • Which means you’re going to be waiting… a lot!
    • But I feel like waiting is not such a bad thing.
    • One of the reasons I liked Age of Empires 2 back in the day is because you had plenty of time to do everything.
    • Which made me realize, I don’t hate Northgard.
    • It’s a strategy game I don’t hate!
    • Nothing better to start 2019 than a nice surprise.

Fun Score:



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