ChairQAsition: Valley

Your intrepid heroes test Valley on three Linux powered boxes of business. Did it pass? Let’s find out.

Game: Valley
Webzone: Valley
Devel: Blue Isle Studios
Engine: Unity
Price: £14.99 / US$19.99 / CA$21.99

Wazzat: Explore the vast and beautiful world of Valley using the power of the L.E.A.F. suit: a fierce exoskeleton that grants exceptional speed and agility along with the phenomenal ability to manipulate the life and death of all living things.

CHAIR– Nooope

CHAIRCHAIR– Not sure if want


CHAIRCHAIRCHAIRCHAIR– Shutupandtakemymonies

Makes with the working


  • Thar be spite crashes.
  • These happen during level transitions and it bit me twice, HARD.
  • I say hard since there is no real save system so it starts you all the way back at the beginning of the previous zone.
  • Refuses to launch if Vivaldi or Chromium are running.
  • 60/70 @ 1080
  • Mid 30’s @ 2160


  • Thar be inopportune spite crashes
  • Twice after finishing a level, which made me go back and redo it cuz it didn’t finish saving
  • That’s a quick way to get jordan to nope


  • The only thing that didn’t make with the working for me was the subtitles.
  • It’d show the first line and then be stuck there until the audio-tape was over.


Shiny / Sounds


  • I like games that prove that Unity can be both performant and pretty.
  • Valley does these things in spades.
  • Both indoor and outdoor areas are wicked smooth.
  • All the environments are coherent.
  • I do wish the main baddies were something, different?
  • They didn’t seem to fit the world.
  • Music is totes outstanding and caught me off guard.
  • You don’t normally get that from an indie game.
  • Voice acting was passable+ in the sense they didn’t go with the lowest bidder.


  • Oh, it’s very pretty
  • Look what happens when you don’t use stock unity assets!
  • The soundtrack sounds like a Jethro Tull fever dream


  • It looks very pretty and the music is frickin’ spot on!
  • During the running on the electrified rails sequence, that music alone turned it from just being a bit where you run down a corridor to “OMG!!1! Run faster! Jump! Run fast again! Weeeeeeeeee!”
  • I was smiling like a lunatic throughout the whole thing.
  • Damn was a good set piece!




  • Tried to play it with the Steamy controlla since it seemed like a nice fit.
  • Unfortunately there was some jank with camera movement.
  • Keyboard and gerbil posed no problems.


  • Sometimes you get a little too into it and end up overshooting the fuck out of your jumps
  • Really my only gripe with it. Can’t quite tell where you’re gonna land


  • It’s a first person running/platforming game.
  • Why you’d want to play this with a controller, I don’t know.
  • While physics defying jumps may have made me ding this a chair in other games, in this game it fits.
  • And this game made me wish I could have more controls than casual jog or superhuman sprint for movement.




  • That was a little shorter than expected but for $5.00 it was an enjoyable romp.
  • If I had paid the iron price ($19.99) I would have been a bit miffed.
  • Storytelling and world building is clearly something these motherfu*ckers know how to do.
  • I honestly thought they were going to pull a gotcha right up until I jumped out of the final tube.
  • I was all “they want me to think the game is over, but it’s not really over”
  • …the game was over.
  • I Venned my way through it in 4 hours.


  • 21 Wet, Sticky Maplebucks is a bit of a big ask for this jolly little jaunt
  • The game itself is actually pretty shallow, essentially being 3d straight line platformer
  • That said, it’s execution is spot on
  • The story is actually pretty decent too, all things considered. Sort of a whodunit
  • I usually prefer emergent narratives, but credit where credit is due
  • Crashes added another hour onto the gameplay, and there are hidden goodies you can go collect


  • The only reason I can’t give it 4 chairs for the fun is because it’s short.
  • Criminally short!
  • I was having fun! I was having a lot of fun and the game ended.
  • It took my fun away from me.
  • In all seriousness, this is a game with very simple but refined mechanics.
  • They took movement, something you take for granted in all videogames and they improved it.
  • They quadrupled down on exploring exactly what it is that can make videogame movement compelling and built a short experience around it.
  • And they frickin’ nailed it!
  • I can safely say I never had so much fun running and jumping down a corridor for 5 minutes like I did in Valley.
  • This I would say is the perfect example of aesthetics and narrative being used solely to further the mechanics… or mechanic, since they really only had the one.
  • But goddamn, they did it well!
  • If it had come out this year, it’d be a contender for Linux game of the year 2017.




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